The Friendship Fuss

‘Some people aren’t actually anti-social, they’re just very selective when it comes to the people they associate with’ – retweeted and quoted from Twitter

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were always surrounded by people you called ‘friends’, but these were times where you were in secondary school, college or university, so you were bound to build friendships over time and spend a lot of time with them because you were in that kind of environment every day. Then all of a sudden, you find that your circles are getting smaller by the years; you’ve graduated, you’ve embarked on the next journey of life, you’ve had a number of birthdays, and you find that you can now count your friends on one hand…yes one hand.

Have you ever come to the realisation that, ALL those ‘friends’ you had weren’t actually your friends? They were associates, acquaintances, people who filled vacancies in your life – harsh, but that is the reality. You have people in your life that stay because it’s convenient or because they need you for something; you’re their plug as some might say or you’ve stumbled across this person via someone else, and they just happen to have remained, because…you don’t actually know or remember.

I’ve had some random friendships, some ‘dope’ friendships and some meaningful ones, but the reality is, friendships DO expire and what I want to say, is that no one should feel guilty of that happening. Friendships are a multi-way process – everyone plays a part in the standing of this relationship. It shouldn’t be about a give and take mentality. If you want something to happen, don’t wait for the other person to do it; start it, be the role model; take the initiative. Don’t start complaining and labelling and assuming, because at the end of the day, you’re pretty much just stressing yourself; and who likes stress? No one.

Calm down. Relax. Chill.

Honestly, friendships shouldn’t be difficult. They should be able to just flow without any hassle. Me personally, I’m sure a lot of people think I’m anti-social, and that’s OK. Think what you like – I actually couldn’t care less. You know why? Because, if you actually wanted to speak to me, if we actually had that easy-going connection, if you didn’t have that give and take mentality, you’d reach out to me regardless. You won’t just huff and puff like a dog in heat and assume that the friendship is over, because I haven’t text you to say ‘hello’. Again, I may sound very selfish, but believe me, I’m not. If you label someone your ‘friend’ and you genuinely mean it, then it shouldn’t be a problem reaching out, it shouldn’t be a problem getting along despite how long it has been since you spoke to one another and it shouldn’t feel like malice or spite. You should be able to pick up from where you left off and feel fine.

It annoys me, especially when you become an adult and you deal with the stresses of life – it’s not every day that I am going to be able to pick up the phone or send you a message, because honestly, I have my own stuff to deal with and these become my priorities. I’m not saying everyone else becomes unimportant, but friendship shouldn’t become a babysitting job. I can’t carry your hand every step of the way. If something is up, I’m not psychic, if you want to talk to me about it, you have my number; if you prefer email; I can also give you my personal email. I might sound like the b word right now, but this is reality. You’re not going to have time to sit down with EVERYONE.

I said I could count my friends on one hand, because in all honesty, there is only a few people I can actually call a friend – there are only a few people that I can connect with, even when we haven’t spoken for a long time and it doesn’t feel awkward whatsoever. I like to feel comfortable with whoever I have in my life. I do NOT and I will NOT force any type of friendship. I can’t do it. I do have people in my life that I haven’t spoken to for a while and when we do eventually speak, it’s like we spoke on the phone last night or whatever. There isn’t any whining, there aren’t any assumptions and there isn’t any bad blood. There aren’t excuses either. WE. JUST. CATCH. UP. WITHOUT. HASSLE.

Another thing I can’t stand is when people make fake excuses as to why they haven’t been in contact with you. Just be truthful – I’d rather you be upfront and straight up with me as to the reason why you haven’t spoken to me or want to have chilled with me other than make up some excuse from the top of your head. Again, I don’t force people to remain in my life – if you want to go, go now. If you find me boring, that is fine, that is your opinion, we clearly don’t have things in common anymore, we do not connect on any level. That’s not a crime – again, friendships expire. You can downgrade to an associate or acquaintance if you like, or completely just leave.

There is a time and a season for everything. God sends people into your life for a reason and for a season and when that time is up, it’s up. I can’t feel guilty for not wanting to reach out – there must be a reason for it. If I consider you a friend, a real friend that I can open up to, then I won’t hesitate in contacting you or setting up an evening out. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you or don’t think you’re worth my time, it just means our friendship has diluted to the point where we don’t have much in common anymore. And this can be down to circumstances or situations or distance that comes with the life you live. You become closer to certain people in your life than others and again – this isn’t a crime, it’s natural. These things happen. Accept it.

I honestly could go on and on about friendships, because I’ve experienced a variety. But what I am trying to say is, if you do consider someone your friend and you miss speaking to them or hanging out with them that bad, then you can dial their number, it doesn’t make you any less of a person. It may encourage the other to do the same. You can’t all of a sudden build a case of fuss and force – friendships need to flow regardless of time frames or distance.

Besides, it’s not everyone you can call a friend – you have to be careful, not everyone is for you, some stay in your life to keep track of what you are doing to either tear you down or compete with you or bring negativity. So be selective and mindful of whom you keep around you.

First Date - Rules and Regulations, Really?

Twitter makes me angry, I swear. Like, I’m not a Twitter expert, and I only have just over 300 followers; I honestly just randomly tweet random stuff, but the things I read on this platform annoy the heck out of me and I’m always so tempted to lash out at someone I don’t even know personally, but I hold back, because people are crazy, like bonkers and I’m not about to have beef with someone online, who doesn’t add value to my life.

Lately, there’s been this on and off debate between women and men, about dates, relationships; who pays on the first date and all that palaver. Some of it stems from this new web series on YouTube called ‘BkChat Ldn’, where a group of young women and men pick a topic to debate on – it’s actually quite entertaining but frustrating at the same time – it can even make you pick a fight with your closest, because there are so many different opinions that clash.

Anyway, this whole debate about who pays on the first date isn’t new news to be honest. This has been a debate for yonks, and it’s been picked back up again. Some feel it should be the man, some feel it should be whoever is willing and some people don’t understand why it is an issue. I did write a post on this a while back, I think a couple years ago titled ‘chip and pin it’, and in my opinion, I felt and still feel that whoever started the courting process and whoever initiated the ‘first date’ should at least conclude the date by offering to pay for whatever it is you participated in. Now I’m not saying that this is the law and that the MAN MUST PAY FOR THE FIRST DATE, otherwise YOU HAVE FAILED IN LIFE. No. That is not what I am saying. I feel as though, the way the date came about, you obviously had asked this person out and so technically it is your treat, technically you’re doing the pursuing and so technically, it feels right if you pay for the date that YOU yourself set up. It really shouldn’t be an issue if I’m honest. What is your reason for debating paying? Can you not afford it? If that’s the case, why did you suggest it? Is it because you feel the person isn’t worth your money? If that’s the case, why did you ask them out? Is it because you’re trying to test this person? If that’s the case, this whole process is a game to you and you’re being very extra about it.

I can’t stress how much this topic annoys me. One of the participants in BkChat Ldn said it shouldn’t be about who has to pay for what – you should really just go with the vibe of the date, see how it goes. I agree, in that, it shouldn’t be a competition, it shouldn’t be about rules and regulations and it shouldn’t be treated as an exam. Whoever wants to pay, will pay. Simple. For me, it would be nice if whoever asked me out, completed this treat by paying for it, but it doesn’t mean I won’t offer to pay for my own meal or whatever – I have no issues with it. I’m working; I can pay for my own damn meal. If the guy doesn’t want to pay for it, fine. If he wants to split the bill, fine. For me, what matters, is that we were able to get on during the date and whatever follows after that, should come naturally. If you’re going to be all presidential about it; making regulations, please don’t waste my time and spare me the headache.

HOWEVER, some people are getting ahead of themselves. I’m seeing things like ‘girls need to calm down’, ‘you should feel privileged you were asked out in the first place’, ‘there are better girls out there that I could have taken out’…like WOAH, chill. Where did they announce that you were ‘God’s gift to women?’ Don’t try and make yourself look good, by kicking others down. If you feel strongly about having the opportunity to take other girls out, THEN GO AND TAKE THEM OUT! What’s holding you, please? No woman or man even, should be made to feel that they aren’t worth anything, that they were just there for ‘bants’ or were convenient. That’s not acceptable at all.

Then this whole, ‘why must I pay for the date – it’s not like I begged for your time’ or that it was mutual – yes so? It’s called being a gentleman, or do guys not like this term anymore or aren’t familiar? What because we are in 2016 now? It doesn’t matter. If you want to wine and dine someone, go all the way with it, don’t be half-hearted about it. You don’t study only some parts of a syllabus and expect to pass the exam do you? If you want to get to know someone, invest the time and effort; don’t be lazy or stubborn about it. It makes you look uptight and pompous.

This applies to both sexes. Courting someone shouldn’t be a game or an exam; it should flow and be a smooth process. If you aren’t feeling someone after that first date, then at least you know now, now you can move on. Regardless of the outcome of the date, paying for a meal or whatever should be your last concern.

I’m done with this debate – as entertaining as it might be, it kind of gets tired after a while. If no one wants to pay, stay in your house.

Oh and also, ladies, stop doing this expectation thing, this also applies to you. Bring your purses, don’t be that girl that relies on a man to do EVERYTHING for you.

SHEtionary (2): You Think You Know

I'm actually tired of men thinking they know how a woman's thought process develops. Especially during an argument. In their mind, we're just spitting gibberish and just like to argue for arguments sake. No. I don't think anyone likes to argue; if you do, and that's how you get your kick, then okay - thumbs up to you.

If we pick an argument and it's about something you've done, it probably means it's not the first time you've done it and so we're tired of letting it go and have decided to bring it up. Yes, we're going to stick to the point we're arguing about, because that's what it's about. We want to try and get to the root of the problem and then maybe get to that stage where we can discuss how we're going to avoid it happening again.

Now because some of you are just stubborn, think you're right regardless - it goes through one ear and out the other and you end up interpreting what we're saying into rubbish. To you, we've talked about Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, when really we're still on Monday, but you're refusing to take our point seriously. So yes we're going to go off on a tangent and refer back to previous times you've committed this thing that she's arguing about. It doesn't mean we've accepted defeat, it doesn't mean we've realised that we don't have a point - it simply means that since you're not getting it, we've gotta go back to square one and collate evidence. It's like being in court. You can't come and argue a case without any evidence to back it up. You'll look like an idiot in front of the jury who have probably made up their minds already - the guy. Since it looks like her point isn't going anywhere, and you're there busy smirking, of course my girl is going to bring up the past, because you've provoked her and you've just gone and pissed her off at the same time.

Then when you do bring up the past, it looks like you've gone and hit a nerve. Then they start arguing back - ooh, it looks like you've finally gotten their attention. Fair enough, these incidents should have been brought up there and then, but I do believe, there isn't a difference to bringing it up then and bringing it up now - your reaction will still be the same.

Ego is a dangerous thing. You gotta be right, they gotta be right, everyone just wants to be right. Both parties play a part in making the argument escalate. No one looks sillier than the other. So this whole 'women like to bring up the past every time you argue' nonsense, maybe you should make sure there isn't a past to bring up every damn time.

SHEtionary

So this has been an issue for guys in general - understanding a woman and her feelings. Men in general always complain about women complaining and women complain that men don't understand why they're complaining - it's a never ending cycle my friend. Quite frankly, men don't like it when women are 'all in their feelings' or 'emotional'. I think it's a hassle for them. They don't want to have to deal with the 'nitty gritty' of situations on top of the every day issues they already receive. TOUGH. You can't run away from things that need attention, that need watering; you can't brush it under the carpet and pretend the house is spotless. It doesn't work like that. What's that they say? All things hidden will come to light. And that includes the mess you've made that may come back and bite you in the butt. So you might as well deal with it head on. Fortunately and maybe unfortunately for you, women can be quite observant - maybe sometimes, too observant, but I believe it's better to call it out, than to believe there's nothing there and ignore those feelings. Yes, some may call it paranoia - but I think I'd prefer to be paranoid than oblivious. You wouldn't want to miss something that when sorting, can avoid a messy break up.

Men, please believe, we don't want to annoy you and pester you and nag you 24/7 - it's not our intention. We too, want to live a happy and pest free life. But there are certain things that you men do that can be seen as unnecessary and quite frankly stupid. For example, if you're in a relationship and have a certain female friend who loves to, how did Beyoncé put it, 'kiss up and rub up and feel up' on you and you see NO WRONG in that, then there's a problem. There are certain limitations, an unwritten rule in these type of circumstances. Don't give the excuse of 'oh she's like that with everyone'...that's fine, she can be like that with everyone...excluding you. It's about having respect for your other half. Things like this, need attention, and when attention is applied, a pointless argument can be avoided. Resulting in less nagging, more nurturing.

We as women too, have a lot that goes on in our minds - and as humans, we all tend to overthink sometimes. In my opinion, a cause of stress. So, because of this, we don't always want to think for you, do you know what I'm saying? We're trying to teach you to use your initiative, we can't baby you and so you have to pay attention. ATTENTION is the key word in this post, if you haven't noticed already. If you genuinely don't know what's wrong, then fair enough, but some men do know deep down, but on the surface act like what's wrong to the woman isn't that much of a big deal. Listen, it may not be a big deal to you, but it is to them, and you owe them that much to at least sit down and hear them out. Then you can address it together. Don't dismiss it, walk out or laugh it off, you'll just make things worse. Life can be quite simple you know, just...pay attention.

When a woman is fed up, it can resort to the 'silent treatment' or saying things they don't actually mean. I can admit, this must be irritating, but at the same time, it can be quite fulfilling...just quite petty, I know. Such is life. The whole 'silent treatment' can, however, be beneficial. It allows for time to ponder, a moment for space and clarity. If you're lucky, the woman might eventually see she's being irrational after some time to think on the situation and will eventually apologise. If you're not so lucky, then you definitely did something wrong.

Everyone has a bit of pride in them, and that means we don't want to succumb to our real feelings, so we say what we don't actually mean, here are some examples for you guys out there struggling to understand or actually believing what your woman is saying:

'I'm fine...' = 'I'm so mad at  you right now, but I don't want to get into it right now, 'cause we'll probably argue for hours'

What men probably respond with: 'Ok cool' [then proceed in telling you about their day]
What you should do just in case she's not 'fine':
- Ask them 'are you sure?', this may provoke the real answer, maybe not right away, but it shows that you genuinely care and that you notice a change in their facial expression or behaviour.
- Confront them face on, let them know you know they aren't fine and if they still refuse, then at least you tried. That will just mean you need to let them be stubborn for a bit, before they confess.

'Ok...' = 'You still haven't answered my question about 'so and so' or 'you've forgotten my birthday' or 'something has happened, I'm just not in the mood to talk right now'

What men probably respond with: [...proceed in telling you about their day]
What you should do just in case things aren't actually 'ok':
- Yes this may be long, but try and remember if there was anything you forgot that involved her, check your calendar if you have to; check back through your texts from yesterday or simply ask how they are - figure it out.

'No, you're right...' = 'You'll soon realise your mistake and that I was right, but go on with your bad self' :)

What men probably respond with: [...as usual, believe they ARE right and go on about their business]
What you should do just in case you may not be 'right':
- Think about your actions before you proceed
- Weigh up the pros and cons
- Study your woman's face when she says 'no, you're right' - the evidence is in the pudding; she may also have a chilled undercover sarcastic tone to her statement

'This is all long' 'Are you kidding me?' 'I'm not doing all that'...is probably what you're thinking right now - but relationships are hard work - it isn't a bag of candy all day every day.

Study each other, learn from each other and communicate with one another.

'You, Us, We'

I've been watching a lot of 'The Real' lately. In fact I'm a fan. For those of you that don't know, The Real is an american TV talk show with four hosts (Tamar Braxton-Herbert, Tamera Mowry-Housley, Loni Love, Jeannie Mai and Adrienne Bailon) who are all outspoken power house women, sharing their perspectives on real life issues. I love this show, because from time to time, they talk about things, real life situations that they are in or that come up in the media and most of the time I fully agree with what they say and it's kind of like me when I post my opinions about love and life on here. Some may not like it, may think it's annoying or boring or irrelevant, but sometimes, it's good to just have that 'girl chat' about something that most of us go through on a day to day basis. It isn't always about politics - sometimes, chill and be 'real'.

Unfortunately, Tamar Braxton-Herbert became ill recently and was hospitalized and whilst in recovery mode, the show had a special guest co-host almost every day to take her place on the show until she got better. On one of the episodes, The Real invited Tisha Campbell-Martin (I'm loving all these double barrel names by the way) on to the show and one of the topics that came up in 'girl chat'
which is one of their segments; I can't remember what the actual topic was, but it all boiled down to how Tisha and her husband Duane Martin have kept their marriage going for so long. Tisha summarised the secret to keeping their marriage alive and well to three pronouns - 'You, Us, We' and in that order. Before she even explained it, I was like yes! Once people get married, I feel like their priorities become a little confused and blurred. This doesn't just apply to marriages, it can also be relationships. Now, I'm no expert and I don't pretend to be, but I feel like this technique should be fact and it should be the norm. The only thing I would add to that quote, is God and Him first. Without him, there'd be no you. He's the reason you wake up every day, why you're still breathing and why you're still able to keep going despite life's trials and tribulations. Before, I go into preaching mode, as some of you may see it, my point is this and what Tisha Campbell Martin was explaining is that, you need to be able to focus on you first, then your relationship with your partner and the 'we' includes any children that may be in the mix also. I will explain all this further.

What ANNOYS me the most and you can bash me for this, because no one ever knows the full story behind closed doors, BUT the thing that annoys me is how the media glorifies 'divorce'. I hate it. I hate it because, divorce has become this thing, this object on the shelf, this product that is so easy to come by and so easy to get; it's like it has become a hobby. It's also become something that

individuals resort to so easily - they give up without trying. Now I'm not saying everyone that has gotten a divorce is lazy and doesn't try, but you get that impression, especially as divorce has become so popular lately. You hear some celebrities getting married and next week, they are already getting a divorce, it's like 'wait, what?...didn't they just tie the knot?' So confusing. In this day and age, the media is so influential, especially social media. Young people follow trends so quickly. I just feel like the media sends out this message of, when things get tough, you can always just walk away. You don't have to deal with it, just take the quickest route out of it. And that's divorce.

I don't want to disrespect those who have to go through divorce proceedings. It's obviously not a pretty situation and it can get ugly and stressful, especially if there are children involved. But I also don't want to encourage it and I'm definitely not for it. When I get married, that's it for me - there isn't an option for divorce. It's not about the decor, the guests, the location and the excitement of it all (the wedding), it's about being ready to enter a marriage that should be for life. Hope I'm not scaring anybody lol.

You have to make sure you are ready to enter a marriage that is for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health and so on. It seems the minute, something gets 'worse' or 'poor' or just plain ol' bad, people are quick to run. If you are going to enter a marriage, make sure you are ready. Sure, you may think you are ready or there isn't such a thing as being ready, but like I said, this is why God needs to be put first in everything you do. Everyone needs some guidance. Marriage is a new journey and should be treated with care - it's not something you should jump into, because you get blinded by how pretty the wedding would be or because of countless suggestions by your friends and family.

'You, We, Us' had me thinking, because I didn't actually put that into perspective properly until now. This could be a solution as to keeping your marriage or relationship happy and strong.

You: Once people get into a relationship or a marriage, they tend to lose sight of themselves, their individuality, what makes them, them and their goals in life. I'm guilty of doing this in the past - once I got into a relationship, everything was about HIM and I was slowly losing focus on me and my aspirations. Not a good look. And my sisters made me realise this. The key to being happy in a relationship with someone else, is making sure you love yourself and that YOU are happy first. Make sure that you don't forget about you, your ambitions and how you intend on building yourself emotionally, physically and of course financially. Make sure you're good, that's all. You've got to build a good foundation to stand on, one that you're confident you can build different paths on and one of those paths is your relationship.

We: You and your partner should come next in the equation. If both of you are happy or en route to being where you want to be, then you can share some of that good energy into your relationship. It'll be a positive journey where you can both encourage one another, lift each other up and the love should be even more sweet (that sounds so aff of me to say, but it is true). If both sides are happy, you can connect and have a healthy relationship. You can also set time aside to spend quality time with one another, so that you can learn from each other and of each other. It's always important, in my opinion, to make sure you don't lose sight of one another's needs in the relationship and to make sure you keep that spark going. It's easy to trail off into 'yeah we're in a relationship - that should be enough' - wrong. You have to put the work in. You have to keep in mind, that although there is 'YOU' there is also now a 'WE' and you have to figure out how you can keep both alive and kicking. I think learning from each other; lifestyles, ambition, how you both work, is something that should be treated as 'homework'. If you're not paying attention and giving each other the right amount of attention in your relationship, it can quickly fizzle out.

Us: If you are happy, and both of you are happy and you're both building a strong foundation for a family, then any child involved has something they can lean on and rely on. It is important for a child to feel that positive energy before them, to know that mummy or daddy or their guardian(s) is there for them to provide a happy household, one that teaches positivity, one that doesn't give up in the face of hostility, one that has built a foundation on love and trust and intelligence.

These three categories are key from my perspective. I just don't believe in giving up so easily. If there is a problem, it should be talked about, discussed, prayed on as a couple. If you can't figure it out there and then, I've always heard people say 'I'ma tell him/her to go calm down in the other room' and we'll hash it out later', I think that's fair - anything can be said in the heat of an argument. But instead of heading for those papers, head for prayer and get it sorted out.

I used to have 'reviews' with my boyfriend every month (don't judge me), just so that we were both on the same page, because it's easy to just ignore something that's been bothering you or to just let it get to you until you've had enough and end it. We don't do it anymore, because we have an understanding, but it did help. It's always good to talk eventually and just remember to put God first, yourself, both of you and any children that may be involved next.

Think of it as layers of cheesecake...I might just be saying that, because I crave some!

:)

PS. HAPPY NEW YEAR, Y'ALL!

He Becomes Them.

*WAVES*

Been a LONG while, I know. I sort of got lazy and left this blog 'fi dead'. But I thought let me try and revive it and annoy you guys with my opinions once again - sound good to you?

Anyway, things have changed since my last post and when I say things have changed, I meant with me, because I am no longer just 'me', I am now in a committed and loving relationship and it's almost been two years, woohoo! Only God knows how he does it...

But talking of new relationships and that, even though it can be a blessing, finding that special someone, it can also prove to be an issue. For who? Your friends, your pals, your co-d's, your homies, whatever. Why? Because for some reason you automatically do a disappearing act, like you're a magician.

I know you all know what I' talking about. People moan about it, but I know those people have done it too, they just don't realise it. Everyone does it. No one is excused from this super duper magic trick. It's a part of finding love at long last.

But whyyyy does it happen?

I'll tell you. Then I'll tell you why your friends shouldn't complain and why you shouldn't let it get to you.

1. It's courting season:

There's summer, there's winter, there's autumn and there's spring, but there's also a season of 'courting' when you meet someone. This is the 'getting to know you' period, where both parties are figuring each other out - whether they are crazy, a psychopath or just plain ol' boring like you. This is also the 'let me impress you' period, where in my opinion, whoever did the pursuing (as I've written about before), has the chance to pull out all the stops including a trip to Paris, all expenses paid (no, I'm joking, but would be nice), to prove to the other party, that they are serious about them and wants to be with them. It's like putting your best into an assignment given by your teacher so you can achieve that glorious A. The A in this case, is the relationship, that one day may turn into marriage, who knows... The point is, both parties need this time, to engage with one another, to spend time with each other and decide whether they want to pursue a relationship together.

Now this isn't all calculated like a scientific project, I'm sure no one has a calendar of dates for this process on their walls (unless you're weird), so when your mates are like 'you have no time for me - you always do this when you get involved with someone', tell them to chill, tell them to have several seats in the words of Tamar Braxton. You have a life and in this moment in time, a bit of your energy is focused on what could be a lifetime goal. I'm not saying completely dismiss your friends, because you now have a man/woman, but they should understand the situation, and you know take a backseat for now, so that you can focus on this new journey you've started. It's natural to feel guilty, but let's not lie, guilt is the last thing on your mind when you're enjoying the view in front of you...

2. You're slowly getting your groove back:

So you're now in the middle of this new romance and you're liking the energy it brings. This is the 'honeymoon' period. These are the icky times. The 'let me mush your face with my lips' times. Those couples who make everyone want to regurgitate the meal they just had. You're allowed not to care. You're allowed to be happy and bask in the sunshine of it all. Because once the honeymoon period is up...it's up. You better enjoy it while you can. When you get married and you go on your honeymoon, no one is there to be disturbing you, yes? But because this isn't the real honeymoon, your mates don't see why you can't come out with them and get smashed - they need to realise that, this is the pre-honeymoon, practice for the real honeymoon (not all things included by the way) - let's not get excited here. But when I say pre-honeymoon, I mean this is the first time where you can really enjoy each other's company and just have the time of your life. You also do this on your real honeymoon, but you're revisiting each other after a ring's been put on it.
Your mates are also special people in your life, but if they are a good friend, they'll let you get on with it and trust that you haven't forgotten about your other relationships - this is just time for you. Why can't you do both you say? Because when you've invested your time in something important, you want to make sure it stays afloat. And this takes a bit of time. You can't rush greatness.

3. Oh look, it's a cloud!:

To be quite frank...most of the time...you don't even realise you're doing it. I didn't. Until, a friend of mine was like 'I've been ghost'. I was just like 'what are you talking about?' Stop being so dramatic. Then I realised, wait. I do it all the time. But then I also realised, wait - you do it too! We can all point fingers, but at the end of the day, it's a life cycle. You meet someone, you develop interest, you get enveloped in romance, and forget about the world. You're on cloud 9. Forgive me for being extra happy and high on lurve. It's not every day, 'let's go for a drink', sometimes 'kiss and chill'. If you have a friend who is constantly moaning and complaining, first of all, your company must be off the hook, but at the same time, you should be a little concerned. They need to realise that your sudden disappearing act, isn't intentional and you'll be back, unless you don't like them. But if and when they get a man or lady and do the same thing, maybe you should make the same complaint on a billboard, just so they get it.

I'm just saying, when someone does a disappearing act on you, there must be a valid reason as to why they have done so (in my case with the blog, my reason wasn't valid, I apologise), but don't get all 'baby with a tantrum' because every now and then, we must live our lives and sometimes this involves a fine guy or lady that just happens to take our breath away, so we gotta investigate what's going on...

Ya dig?

Deliver Me From A Branning.

   For the people who don't watch the TV soap 'EASTENDERS', I apologise if the title of this post doesn't make any sense to you whatsoever. But allow me to explain what I mean by 'Branning'. Eastenders is a British television soap opera that airs on BBC One and is basically full of drama, comedy, romance and pretty much ridiculousity (yeah I made up that word). It's full of a number of characters, some of which have come and gone, some that you can't help but love or hate and some that have been there for centuries and don't look like they will EVER leave! BRANNING is the surname of a family that live on Albert Square (The pretend name for the location where this soap is set in). This family...let me just say, is pretty much messed up to be honest. From murderers, to ex-policemen, to ex-cons, to bullies, to incest, to drunks, to cheats...they basically have it all. I will get to the point of this title as soon as possible :). There are three brothers in particular by the names of DEREK, JACK and MAX!

   DEREK is the eldest of the three brothers and had his own gang when he was younger, picking on anyone that got in his way. He basically ended up in prison for about 10 years and then made an appearance on the Square. Derek Branning was a BULLY; the new villain in Albert Square, even to his own family BUT another trait that Mr Derek Branning had was being a CHARMER. Now, Derek wasn't no Denzel, but if you know the right things to say and how to play the 'game', you don't really need the good looks of Mr Washington himself. I mean if you have both, that's even more of an advantage for you when it comes to getting what you want. There are a lot of Derek's out there in the sense of being able to charm a woman. They could say all the sweetest things that sugar ain't got nothing on and make a girl do things and say things she never intended to say or do at all! And all to the benefit of them; in the short term and in the long term. Whereas for the girl, she'll be left to deal with the consequences; pick up the pieces of a situation that was once well put together. Look at Kat Moon! (Another character on Eastenders). This woman; although, should have had common sense not to go there at all, was manipulated into thinking she had a future with Derek Branning, when she decided to indulge in an affair with him, ended up bringing heartache to herself and collected buckets of tears. She ended a marriage with a good man, lost her job and her home and realised Derek Branning was just full of lies and deceit; nothing but the definition of trouble. A chocolate bar may look appeasing to the eye, but is a minutes application to join the gym later on. Don't give yourself; as Nigerians would call it 'wahala' in the long run. All that sweet talk can make you feel good, but it won't do you any good. Don't just look at the packaging, look at the contents and discipline your decision.

DELIVER ME FROM A BRANNING!

   JACK is considered to be the good looking and most successful brother out of the three and I completely agree that he is good looking :D *I need a minute* HA! Ok I'm back. Jack is an ex-copper and he part owns a gym on the square. Let's just say he has no problem with the ladies either! He's got this. Unfortunately for Jack, he hasn't had the best of luck with the ladies he does end up with *sigh*. But yes, overall, Jack has this charm, confidence and natural authority about him. He can do what he likes, how he likes and when he likes. In a recent story involving him on The Square, he had an eye on a woman by the name of Sharon Rickman who recently joined Eastenders again after a very long time. The minute Jack set eyes on her, he wanted her and by the looks of it, he was confident that he was going to get her! ...Which he eventually did. I'm not saying Jack has this pompous attitude, but in a way, he does. Maybe not actively, but passively. Don't get me wrong confidence is a plus BUT there are guys who have that attitude where, because they're good looking, they can get any girl that they want. Stop it. The minute they pursue, they automatically have control and by control, I mean, when they're done with you, they're done with you. Kaput. They can drop you...let me be corny and say like it's hot. Guys with attitudes such as these, live in the moment, they don't think about long term, whereas, the woman often is. A man like Jack, don't really know what they want to be honest; they have an idea, but don't know how to plan it out, so it doesn't come into existence. Living in the moment; a moment that does not last and they're on to the next one, or the previous one. Jack dumped Sharon at the altar, because he realised he still has feelings for his ex, Ronnie Mitchell. Don't rush into a relationship with someone who is unsure of their life plan, especially the plan that involves you. Getting deep with someone who is still at the surface and refuses to sink, isn't healthy for you. If they can change women, like they change underwear, what makes you think you're not a pair of boxers away from a relationship termination?

DELIVER ME FROM A BRANNING!

   MAX is everyone's favourite by the looks of it, which is why I left him til last. I myself am not going to lie, I love Max Branning when I should NOT!! This upsets me. I love him, because he has a love-able aura about him (yeah, from the television set), even though his ways are ways I would not want to wish upon any woman. Max is basically a 'playa'. He moves in and out of flings, relationships and affairs. His now poor ex-wife Tanya Cross has been through hell and back with this man, but unfortunately, even though she doesn't want to admit it, still loves him. He's Max! Max plays around with women's emotions like a yo-yo; they go from happy to sad, sad to happy, happy to sad (up and down like a yo-yo), and the person who remains happy in all this, is MAX! Why? Because he's getting what he wants. It's all about HIM HIM HIM! No one else matters! The world could be crashing down and he'd be thinking about himself! A lot of self's out there really. The only emotion that a Max cares about, is his own happiness. A woman could go to the ends of the earth for a guy, and it still won't be appreciated. Is it even noticed at all? Of course not, because all they see is their reflection. Max has also made a number of promises on a number of occasions to every woman he's been with, but never fulfils it. Why? Because either, again, they're thinking about themselves, or their minds are just elsewhere. You. Are. Not. A. Priority. Never will be. Never mind, that you have made them a priority time and time again, they don't notice these facts, because it's supposed to be about them anyway; in their mind. If a guy keeps making empty promises, or changing their minds constantly, it's never going to happen. If they wanted it to happen, they'll make it happen, no excuses. Don't give your all to a guy who gives you nada. What're you doing with empty promises and selfish antics? You're basically in a relationship with yourself. You deserve better than an all-talking, no action, self-obsessed, yo-yo playing kind of person. You may have fallen in love with them, but unfortunately, they're already in love with someone else...themselves.

DELIVER ME FROM A BRANNING!

Un-involve yourself from a DEREK, JACK or MAX, please! :)