Cater To 'Em!

'Let me help you, take off your shoes, untie your shoe-strings, take off your cuff-links, what you want to eat boo? Let me feed you, let me run your bath water, whatever you desire, I'll aspire, sing you a song, turn the game on, I'll brush your hair, help put your do rag on, want a foot rub? You want a manicure? Baby I'm yours I want to cater to you boy'...Well for me, honestly I'm too shy to be singing in front of anyone, would prefer my guy with a clean-cut shaven head, instead of a foot rub, I'm happy to give a back massage and a manicure is not even up for discussion! But using the lyrics from 'Cater To You' by Destiny's Child; I'm guessing you have an idea of where I am heading and will get my drift! I wrote about guys pursuing a woman's love in my previous post 'Chip & Pin It' http://ow.ly/3Lydz ...but now, that love that the guy was pursuing, the woman needs to show them that their chase was worth it! Yes, us ladies wanna be loved and be shown love, but so does a man; it's all about a balanced relationship. Some girls treat their man like they're their father; 'you must take care of me at all costs...I want this, I want that'...you're not his spoilt brat and he's not your father, your his woman, and he's your man, treat each other the way you would want to be treated. Relationships don't work one way; it's a two-way process. In order for a conversation to flow on the phone, both individuals must talk, right? If one person is talking, that conversation isn't going anywhere...in fact it isn't a conversation; it's a monologue [by yourself]. If you're expecting to be treated like a Queen, snap out of being a 'princess' who is spoilt rotten, and show your man you can look after yourself with noble character and can treat him like the King he is; after all if you see yourself as a Queen, surely he's your King and to be treated equally, you need to show each other the love you deserve. Don't let the love lean heavily on one side. Some of us ladies are not even aware that the love between us and our men is lopsided. FACT. And OK it's not our faults. After all, we all just want what's best for ourselves. We set high standards for ourselves, because we know our worth and will not settle for anything small. So when it comes to finding a guy; it's like girls have a list of what guys must have or do in order to be with them. 'They must be well-off, they must have this certain type of swagger, they must take me here and there for Valentines Day or for my birthday, [the bait one]...they MUST drive and have a car, and they must be tall [OK so that last one I like...but STILL :)]

We get carried away with all these lists of ours, that we forget the question 'So what are YOU gonna offer?'. We get caught up in the other one's requirements that we forget our own specification as a contribution to the working of the relationship. Fair enough, it'll be nice for your man to have this and that, but what are you gonna do to also make your man happy? 'They must be well-off'- are you doing well for yourself?, 'They must have swagger'- are you gonna make him look good too?, 'They must take me here and there'- 'Will you also treat him every now and then?', 'They must be able to drive'- 'If he doesn't, are you gonna stay on 'foot n oyster' or is your own driving test coming up? I mean don't be so dependent on your man and don't be so materialistic too. As much as you have your own issues in life, so does your man and all these requirements you're enforcing adds on to the stress of his life. Being in a relationship includes comforting one another in any situation and letting each other know that 'you got their back'. Guys are obviously gonna want to be the 'man' in the relationship where he wines and dines you from time to time, but I'm sure he'd love some wining and dining himself. In ways that he provides for you, find other ways in providing for him. He pursued your love, he caught it, now open it up and show him what it's all about!

Show him that you appreciate him for him and not for what he can offer. He isn't your scapegoat, he's your lover, stop looking at him like he's the comfy bed you can sit on, instead sit WITH him on that comfy bed, be level-headed with him, respect him like he respects you. Even though it's good for the guy to 'Chip & Pin It', it's OK for you to also CHIP in and use your PIN, show him that you know [IN AMERICAN ACCENT] 'I GAT THIS!' from time to time, show him you can be independent. In the words of Ne-Yo, show him that 'You want, but don't need him' [not in a harsh way], as in you're not with him for the bling, you're with him because you love him. In fact that song 'She Got Her Own' reflects what I'm talking about. But like for real, don't let the love lean heavily on side.

Ladies, Cater to 'em! ;)

Chip & Pin It!

OK OK So I was quite inspired today by a lovely friend of mine [don't know if she wants me to mention her name], but I will expand on what we were discussing today, when we suddenly bumped into each other...We had a lovely and deep conversation about men and women and how men should pursue women and how to keep them interested. This isn't a dig at guys, don't get me wrong, but it is to uplift ladies an for them to know their worth. IT'S ALWAYS IMPORTANT FOR A WOMAN TO KNOW HER WORTH! Again, I'm sorry but I love the lyric in Fantasia's song 'Doin' Me' when she says 'If you can't love me equally, then you don't need to be with me'! It's very true. If you want something, obviously you're going to do all you can to get it...am I right? I mean if you really really want it, you would not back down and you will make as much effort just to achieve it! You won't settle for less. In fact, no one should; women AND men, you must NEVER feel you don't deserve something good; GREAT even. No one must feel belittled and no one must feel they can never achieve something great! We all look for love at some point in our lives, but some of us go about it the wrong way, and some of us look in the wrong places. Moreover, some of us take a diversion , another route that they feel will take them to that destination of love; that love they've been wanting for a long time. But really and truly in life if you have PATIENCE, POSITIVITY and PERSEVERANCE, you will know that what you are searching for will come to you in due time and it will come in abundance and know that it is worth it!

Slightly going off track there, however it is important to know you are worth much more than you think you are! So don't settle for less. Ladies, please don't allow guys to disrespect you and of course vice versa, but for my ladies [as this was in discussion today, I will write another post about how guys should be treated too in due time] but for my ladies, if a guy wants your love, don't let him easily take it, like its the first packet of crisp on the shelf within reach...let him stretch his arm and earn it! I know guys must be despising me right now, but honestly, go for a challenge...at the end of the day it will be worth it. Obtaining a woman's heart should not be difficult, but it should not be too easy either, if it's easy, there's a problem...she may just be settling for whatever comes her way, after all she might have the mentality of 'beggars can't be choosers', and I'm sure no one wants that kind of mentality. It might be that she doesn't feel highly of herself [not in a pompous way], but in a way that she does not realise her worth. It's up to you guys to woo her, make her feel loved, get her to see that she deserves the best, that you love her and appreciate her, you respect her and you will never hurt her. Get her to see that her love is worth it and much more! If you want the heart of a woman, you must work for it. Because in the words of R Kelly 'When a woman loves, she loves for real', that isn't an opinion...it's a FACT. Therefore, guys if you want that woman that you're pursuing...chip and pin it babe! No, I don't mean BUY her love...JLo and Christina Milian demonstrated that 'love don't cost a thing', but this term was used by my friend today through an example she told me in which I experienced. I basically was asked out; this was a few years ago; just after college, and I agreed to go out with this guy. So we went to the cinema [typical I know], and when it came to paying for our cinema tickets, the guy asked to buy ONE ticket...for himself and motioned for me to now pay for mine. Ok, now, this guy asked ME out, and I already knew he liked me, so obviously you're going to want to get to know me and please me, because you pursued me, I never pursued you, if you want to be successful in your agenda...do it right! Clearly, I was a little thrown off and disappointed that I had to pay for my own ticket, but I concluded that obviously this guy was not serious...this was our first date on which YOU asked me out, I think you should at least try and make an effort and you know offer to pay. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to sound like a golddigger, that I AM NOT! This was just to show how the phrase chip and pin it came across. If you want something, but it's not within your reach, obviously there's a process you have to go through to get it. This process is the transaction. This transaction is the process by which you need to work hard and earn that beautiful lady's love. If you are pursuing something, clearly you saw something in it that interested you, that caught your attention, that made you say 'I want that', so work hard to achieve it. Like university students have to work real hard to achieve that glorious degree; their hard work and awarded grades is their transaction in achieving this degree!

Show her that you mean well, that you know her love is precious and not to be tampered with; this also shows you're a man that loves a challenge; a very determined guy, a guy who is serious and not in the mood to be playing games, when you want something, you work hard to achieve it, you mean business and you're willing to treat her like the Queen she is. Women aren't objects, they are humans with feelings and no woman wants to feel like they are easy. And ladies you also have a role to play, in that you need to know your worth, you need to know that you are above and not beneath and you must not allow anyone to belittle you, be like Fantasia 'Do you, and know exactly what you deserve'. Smile and carry yourself well...don't settle for less, you're better than that...believe me.

So guys you know what to do...chip & pin it :)

Heart Attack!

No, no...not literally! But the majority of us DO love attacking our hearts EMOTIONALLY. A lot of artists have sung about being 'heart broken', for example T2 ft. Jodie 'Heart broken'...[without your love], Beyonce [I don't wanna play the] 'Broken-Hearted Girl, Alicia Keys [Have you ever tried] 'Sleeping With A Broken Heart' or even Tyrese [How you gonna up and leave me now] 'How You Gonna Act Like That', Mario 'How Could You'...[Let somebody lay where I lay]...Yes, guys hearts' get attacked too; we're all humans that are bound to get hurt in some kind of way. Please don't see this post as trying to depress you, but for you to see that being heart broken or in my words, getting an emotional 'heart attack', is normal, it's a phase you go through, a time for you to sulk and hate the other sex, but at the end of the day, whilst you're crying yourself to sleep, or being bitter towards everything, life is pretty much going on without you. Time waits for no man. There is a time to mourn, and a time to rejoice; the Bible says. Yes cry it out, but then live it up, make something of yourself, learn from your mistakes and don't allow your heart to get trodden on ever again. 'There's plenty more fish in the sea' they say. This is true BUT there's a reason why I said the majority of US love attacking OUR hearts, meaning WE create the weapon for the attack! There's plenty more fish in the sea...it does not mean you must lend your heart to every Tom, Dick and Harry in the world or for a guy, to every Tanya, Danielle and Hailey that comes your way! NO. Not every person you come across has your heart's criteria ticked, in fact it's all crosses; you're not compatible. We love to take chances with our heart and we forget that our heart is delicate, it can be easily broken [emotionally], and we need to just take our time, stop chasing and let love approach us. I mean, what is the rush anyway? Do you NEED a partner or do you WANT a partner...two different things! I know some people make out for it to look like having a boyfriend or girlfriend is a NECESSITY and okay fine, having someone there can feel nice, but make sure that nice is long-term and trustworthy...and serious. Don't put yourself in the position of the bit on the side, or friend with benefits, or 'part of the list', just because you want someone 'there'. These positions are not forever, and you are demeaning yourself and simply it's ridiculous; you're basically handing over your heart with a gun! Fantasia said it right in her song 'If you can't love me equally, then you don't need to be with me, nothing more beautiful than knowing your worth, and finally I know exactly what I deserve'..

Do not get into a relationship so quickly, take it easy for goodness sake. You need to get to know this person first. Research his/her character, pray about it, put God first, his reasoning is the BEST. If you jump into this relationship, without your head; meaning you haven't thought it through; there's a 90% risk of an emotional heart attack. OK so the person seems loving, they act like they adore you, it seems they'll do anything for you, you think you've found your ideal partner...did you not think this with the last person you came across? And the person before that...and the person before that? You need to safe guard your heart and not open it to infectious situations. That's why we're told by doctors and health experts, to eat healthily, so that we can live long and have a healthy and happy body. If you can take care of your body physically, take care of it emotionally. Don't give your heart to selfish individuals, to untrustworthy individuals, to individuals who don't even know what love is. If you have to play the 'guessing game' with this person 'oh someday we might get together...or maybe not, but who knows', you're wasting your time, because while you're jumping in and out of that game, the person you're meant to be with has passed you by.

But fine, getting heart broken happens, we're not all perfect, situations like this happens in life, and they happen, so that we can grow from them; you learn and live, you get stronger, you know what to do and what not to do next time. When you're heart broken, T2 ft Jodie says in their song 'when you left you took my heart'...erm no, they did not take your heart, they just played with it for a bit, got bored and dropped it like a child grows out of their toys. You still have your heart though, it may be tampered with, but like a cut, it heals up after some time and everything is OK. Yes you will feel like rubbish, like there's nothing left for you, like your plans have gone down the drain, trust me I know the feeling; it took me quite some time to get over my ex, but I did, it wasn't the end of my life, it was the end of that era and I had to move on; its hard, but it's not impossible.

Avoid an emotional heart attack, don't be led by your eyes, be led by your heart.

Keep It On The Hush.

You ever get those people that tell you to 'shhhh!' when you're speaking in the library, while people are trying to work? Or in the cinema, when your phone goes off, and you get those people that tell you to be quiet, because they are trying to hear the film? Yeah, I'm sure we've either been those people or have been the people told to be quiet! Well there is obviously a reason as to why we're told to keep quiet or we tell others to be quiet. We're trying to focus! Why? So that we can can complete our mission or task! How? Without any interruption, distraction or procrastination. Majority of the time, it's better to just keep it on the hush. If you're in the library and you tell someone to shush, because they're making all sorts of noise; you're telling them to shush, because obviously you can't concentrate on your work properly, and you're being pushed off track as to the target you wanted to achieve. Not just because you're annoyed and irritated by someone's constant chit-chat; the most important reason as to why you tell someone to be quiet in the library, is because you want to achieve something without distraction. The same goes with the cinema, obviously you paid money to watch this new film that's just come out, maybe some popcorn and a drink to enjoy it too, ONLY for someone to ruin the experience of watching this new movie, and that just results in a waste of money, because your film was interrupted by someone's phone. So therefore, in order to enjoy this new film, that person needs to keep quiet and turn his or her phone off immediately!

You're probably thinking why on earth am I talking about the cinema and the library?? It isn't about that, what I'm trying to do is get you to see my point about what I mean about 'keeping it on the hush', what impact it has, especially on things you want to accomplish in life! OK so we all, I'm hoping all have plans and ambitions that we want to accomplish in our lifetime; to make something of ourselves, to be someone that people remember; to be happy at what we do. So we have stages that we come across in life, that we must complete in order to achieve and complete our mission. It's like a Super Mario game, where we have obstacles and targets to reach to move on to the next level. In life, those obstacles could be people in your life. And this is where you need to keep it on the hush.

It's not everyone you come across in life; that smile at you, that laugh with you that have your best interests at heart. Some people do not want you to move on in life, they don't want you to be successful and be happy. My mum always told me, if I want to do something that's to do with my life, for my progression in life, I must pray about it, and not blurt it out to everyone that comes my way. Everyone has an agenda in life, and not everyone's agenda is good. For example, someone could be jealous of your progression in life and we all know jealousy isn't a pretty sight! If you, like say you wanted to travel, gain some experience for where you want to go in life, and you are sure of exactly where you want to go and when, go for it, don't delay. Do not go and then open your mouth and discuss every detail of every plan you make to every individual. I'm sure you will get that one person or even two, that will discourage you and say 'why not do this, why not do that', or they could be TOTALLY against the idea, simply because they envy your progression or could simply be a 'hater', and because you feel like these are your friends, you begin to listen to them and you will see how your plans begin to change, you begin to procrastinate, and in maybe one or two years, you see you're not where you aimed to be two years ago. It's because you allowed distraction and interruption to tag along, all because you never kept it to yourself.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you must keep malice on everything you do to your friends, I mean obviously, you sociaalise with your friends and you share stories and all of that, but it doesn't mean you must draw out a map of EVERY little bit of detail that you plan to tick off in life to get to your destination. Like I said, not everyone who smiles at you is your friend. Everyone has their own agenda. So, I'm basically saying, especially as this new year has arrived, and you're all going on about 'I'm gonna do this and that and then go here and blah blah blah', if it hasn't happened in the year before like you planned, ponder back and begin to figure out why. Was there any distraction, interruption and then procrastination? How can you now avoid this, to finally make it happen?

...Keep it on the hush. :)