First Date - Rules and Regulations, Really?

Twitter makes me angry, I swear. Like, I’m not a Twitter expert, and I only have just over 300 followers; I honestly just randomly tweet random stuff, but the things I read on this platform annoy the heck out of me and I’m always so tempted to lash out at someone I don’t even know personally, but I hold back, because people are crazy, like bonkers and I’m not about to have beef with someone online, who doesn’t add value to my life.

Lately, there’s been this on and off debate between women and men, about dates, relationships; who pays on the first date and all that palaver. Some of it stems from this new web series on YouTube called ‘BkChat Ldn’, where a group of young women and men pick a topic to debate on – it’s actually quite entertaining but frustrating at the same time – it can even make you pick a fight with your closest, because there are so many different opinions that clash.

Anyway, this whole debate about who pays on the first date isn’t new news to be honest. This has been a debate for yonks, and it’s been picked back up again. Some feel it should be the man, some feel it should be whoever is willing and some people don’t understand why it is an issue. I did write a post on this a while back, I think a couple years ago titled ‘chip and pin it’, and in my opinion, I felt and still feel that whoever started the courting process and whoever initiated the ‘first date’ should at least conclude the date by offering to pay for whatever it is you participated in. Now I’m not saying that this is the law and that the MAN MUST PAY FOR THE FIRST DATE, otherwise YOU HAVE FAILED IN LIFE. No. That is not what I am saying. I feel as though, the way the date came about, you obviously had asked this person out and so technically it is your treat, technically you’re doing the pursuing and so technically, it feels right if you pay for the date that YOU yourself set up. It really shouldn’t be an issue if I’m honest. What is your reason for debating paying? Can you not afford it? If that’s the case, why did you suggest it? Is it because you feel the person isn’t worth your money? If that’s the case, why did you ask them out? Is it because you’re trying to test this person? If that’s the case, this whole process is a game to you and you’re being very extra about it.

I can’t stress how much this topic annoys me. One of the participants in BkChat Ldn said it shouldn’t be about who has to pay for what – you should really just go with the vibe of the date, see how it goes. I agree, in that, it shouldn’t be a competition, it shouldn’t be about rules and regulations and it shouldn’t be treated as an exam. Whoever wants to pay, will pay. Simple. For me, it would be nice if whoever asked me out, completed this treat by paying for it, but it doesn’t mean I won’t offer to pay for my own meal or whatever – I have no issues with it. I’m working; I can pay for my own damn meal. If the guy doesn’t want to pay for it, fine. If he wants to split the bill, fine. For me, what matters, is that we were able to get on during the date and whatever follows after that, should come naturally. If you’re going to be all presidential about it; making regulations, please don’t waste my time and spare me the headache.

HOWEVER, some people are getting ahead of themselves. I’m seeing things like ‘girls need to calm down’, ‘you should feel privileged you were asked out in the first place’, ‘there are better girls out there that I could have taken out’…like WOAH, chill. Where did they announce that you were ‘God’s gift to women?’ Don’t try and make yourself look good, by kicking others down. If you feel strongly about having the opportunity to take other girls out, THEN GO AND TAKE THEM OUT! What’s holding you, please? No woman or man even, should be made to feel that they aren’t worth anything, that they were just there for ‘bants’ or were convenient. That’s not acceptable at all.

Then this whole, ‘why must I pay for the date – it’s not like I begged for your time’ or that it was mutual – yes so? It’s called being a gentleman, or do guys not like this term anymore or aren’t familiar? What because we are in 2016 now? It doesn’t matter. If you want to wine and dine someone, go all the way with it, don’t be half-hearted about it. You don’t study only some parts of a syllabus and expect to pass the exam do you? If you want to get to know someone, invest the time and effort; don’t be lazy or stubborn about it. It makes you look uptight and pompous.

This applies to both sexes. Courting someone shouldn’t be a game or an exam; it should flow and be a smooth process. If you aren’t feeling someone after that first date, then at least you know now, now you can move on. Regardless of the outcome of the date, paying for a meal or whatever should be your last concern.

I’m done with this debate – as entertaining as it might be, it kind of gets tired after a while. If no one wants to pay, stay in your house.

Oh and also, ladies, stop doing this expectation thing, this also applies to you. Bring your purses, don’t be that girl that relies on a man to do EVERYTHING for you.