The Friendship Fuss

‘Some people aren’t actually anti-social, they’re just very selective when it comes to the people they associate with’ – retweeted and quoted from Twitter

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were always surrounded by people you called ‘friends’, but these were times where you were in secondary school, college or university, so you were bound to build friendships over time and spend a lot of time with them because you were in that kind of environment every day. Then all of a sudden, you find that your circles are getting smaller by the years; you’ve graduated, you’ve embarked on the next journey of life, you’ve had a number of birthdays, and you find that you can now count your friends on one hand…yes one hand.

Have you ever come to the realisation that, ALL those ‘friends’ you had weren’t actually your friends? They were associates, acquaintances, people who filled vacancies in your life – harsh, but that is the reality. You have people in your life that stay because it’s convenient or because they need you for something; you’re their plug as some might say or you’ve stumbled across this person via someone else, and they just happen to have remained, because…you don’t actually know or remember.

I’ve had some random friendships, some ‘dope’ friendships and some meaningful ones, but the reality is, friendships DO expire and what I want to say, is that no one should feel guilty of that happening. Friendships are a multi-way process – everyone plays a part in the standing of this relationship. It shouldn’t be about a give and take mentality. If you want something to happen, don’t wait for the other person to do it; start it, be the role model; take the initiative. Don’t start complaining and labelling and assuming, because at the end of the day, you’re pretty much just stressing yourself; and who likes stress? No one.

Calm down. Relax. Chill.

Honestly, friendships shouldn’t be difficult. They should be able to just flow without any hassle. Me personally, I’m sure a lot of people think I’m anti-social, and that’s OK. Think what you like – I actually couldn’t care less. You know why? Because, if you actually wanted to speak to me, if we actually had that easy-going connection, if you didn’t have that give and take mentality, you’d reach out to me regardless. You won’t just huff and puff like a dog in heat and assume that the friendship is over, because I haven’t text you to say ‘hello’. Again, I may sound very selfish, but believe me, I’m not. If you label someone your ‘friend’ and you genuinely mean it, then it shouldn’t be a problem reaching out, it shouldn’t be a problem getting along despite how long it has been since you spoke to one another and it shouldn’t feel like malice or spite. You should be able to pick up from where you left off and feel fine.

It annoys me, especially when you become an adult and you deal with the stresses of life – it’s not every day that I am going to be able to pick up the phone or send you a message, because honestly, I have my own stuff to deal with and these become my priorities. I’m not saying everyone else becomes unimportant, but friendship shouldn’t become a babysitting job. I can’t carry your hand every step of the way. If something is up, I’m not psychic, if you want to talk to me about it, you have my number; if you prefer email; I can also give you my personal email. I might sound like the b word right now, but this is reality. You’re not going to have time to sit down with EVERYONE.

I said I could count my friends on one hand, because in all honesty, there is only a few people I can actually call a friend – there are only a few people that I can connect with, even when we haven’t spoken for a long time and it doesn’t feel awkward whatsoever. I like to feel comfortable with whoever I have in my life. I do NOT and I will NOT force any type of friendship. I can’t do it. I do have people in my life that I haven’t spoken to for a while and when we do eventually speak, it’s like we spoke on the phone last night or whatever. There isn’t any whining, there aren’t any assumptions and there isn’t any bad blood. There aren’t excuses either. WE. JUST. CATCH. UP. WITHOUT. HASSLE.

Another thing I can’t stand is when people make fake excuses as to why they haven’t been in contact with you. Just be truthful – I’d rather you be upfront and straight up with me as to the reason why you haven’t spoken to me or want to have chilled with me other than make up some excuse from the top of your head. Again, I don’t force people to remain in my life – if you want to go, go now. If you find me boring, that is fine, that is your opinion, we clearly don’t have things in common anymore, we do not connect on any level. That’s not a crime – again, friendships expire. You can downgrade to an associate or acquaintance if you like, or completely just leave.

There is a time and a season for everything. God sends people into your life for a reason and for a season and when that time is up, it’s up. I can’t feel guilty for not wanting to reach out – there must be a reason for it. If I consider you a friend, a real friend that I can open up to, then I won’t hesitate in contacting you or setting up an evening out. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you or don’t think you’re worth my time, it just means our friendship has diluted to the point where we don’t have much in common anymore. And this can be down to circumstances or situations or distance that comes with the life you live. You become closer to certain people in your life than others and again – this isn’t a crime, it’s natural. These things happen. Accept it.

I honestly could go on and on about friendships, because I’ve experienced a variety. But what I am trying to say is, if you do consider someone your friend and you miss speaking to them or hanging out with them that bad, then you can dial their number, it doesn’t make you any less of a person. It may encourage the other to do the same. You can’t all of a sudden build a case of fuss and force – friendships need to flow regardless of time frames or distance.

Besides, it’s not everyone you can call a friend – you have to be careful, not everyone is for you, some stay in your life to keep track of what you are doing to either tear you down or compete with you or bring negativity. So be selective and mindful of whom you keep around you.